Last weekend I had an order of dry cleaning to pick up (a drop-off service ON-SITE at the apartment complex; tuff living), so I meandered over to the office on Saturday morning. While I was waiting for the attendant to unlock the laundry storage, I rubbed my eyes sleepily to see a spiffy Keurig machine in the lobby.
“Hey, is this available for public use?”
A free cup of coffee to compliment my freshly-pressed dress attire? Don’t mind if I do!
As I slung the fistful of hangers over my shoulder and grabbed my paper cup of coffee in the opposite hand, I realized that I was one arm short of being able to open doors for myself.
No matter. Resourceful man that I am, I shifted the rim of the cup up to in between my teeth, and strolled on out the exit.
With the cup being about 2/3 full, walking at any great speed would be unwise. A challenge in balancing!
Pleased with my cleverness, I gave the handle from the stairwell to my floor hallway an overenthusiastic tug. The laws of physics be a cruel mistress, and that day I got a lesson on the house: what pulls downward with force…must also respond with equal and opposite force — i.e. upwards.
Physics tutelage was not quite over yet. As soon as the near-boiling coffee tsunami’d onto my upper lip, the sensation of pain caused my mouth to involuntarily release the very hot thing that had just burned it.
“YYYYEARGUHHHFFFFFFFFFFFFF,” also involuntarily released by my mouth, was followed by a few choice curses.
The coffee landed with a perfect splat! in between my feet, 98% of it now splayed across the concrete stairwell.
– managed to avoid splashback on my feet, legs, and dry cleaning
– no one was around to see my special moment
– the stairwell was easy enough to clean up after the fact with paper towels; the carpeted hallway just inside would have been much more difficult
Moral of the Story: laws of objectivity will dictate that you’re only ever about half as clever as you think you are, and will look twice as stupid when your charade inevitably falls apart.
I also found it amusing that more than having to go back and clean up my mess, wasted time, or feeling sheepish…I was most upset by the fact that I had just lost a perfectly good cup o’ joe. Lesson learned: half-brained ingenuity equals wholly-unenjoyed coffee.