Out There

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The truth is out there.

Doesn’t have to be extraterrestrials or the supernatural.

I want to believe in the truth.  A Truth.  A truth in myself.  Mexican Revolutionary figure Emilio Zapata once famously wrote, “I would rather die on my feet, than live on my knees.”

Perhaps my stance needn’t be so aggressive.  I do, however, believe there is more meaning to be found in true hardships than there is in false comforts.

I have no interest in living a lie.  Complacency in recovery can feel like a bit of a half-truth.  For me, personally, no matter how I conduct my program it will always come back down to The Bottom Line: not picking up.

I was lying to myself when I was drinking.  It was easy to pull the wool over my own eyes and convince myself that what I was doing was fine — especially since most nights I would absolve myself of “thought” altogether.

Being honest with myself is much more difficult.  I do wish there were an ‘easier, softer way’…but alas, this is where I’m at.

Let’s be real for a second: there are much, much worse places to be than an honest intersection of your own thoughts & emotions.  Grateful to be struggling with strength.

———

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