When you’ve a long history of nights that end with little-to-no memory, this either becomes a fact you accept and move on from, or lie to yourself about and stagnate in denial over.
All the more reason to leave the past in the past. Wounds may heal over time, but scars rarely fade. We have a responsibility & a duty to own our actions, and not continue to use alcohol as a crutch. Though no longer a chemical dependency, it also has the capacity in sobriety to be a convenient scapegoat.
Genuine discussions, honest explanations, and sincere apologies are all steps in the right direction…but ultimately, it is out of our hands.
Little good does it do to obsess or lament. The most important takeaway from this sort of insight is that you are only in control of you…that’s where focus is needed, and where it will be most fruitful.
Help others who have been wronged heal, by helping yourself first.