When I was most recently in a meeting, I heard a man share a story about how when he was Out Drinking, he would strategically plot which liquor stores to buy bottles from on which days of the week, and after how long he could return to any given location. This is not an uncommon story, shared amongst alcoholics who did not wish to be identified as such in the public eye.
This is also not my particular story, because I never bothered skirting the pattern like that. One, it was really nobody else’s damn business, and I couldn’t care less if they wanted to sit in judgment (if you’re a career cashier at a liquor store or gas station, likely you don’t give much a shit about what your customers are doing day-to-day, either). Two, I knew well enough what I was doing that I had no desire to shy away from it — at least in that respect. This was mostly in college and some during the year after I graduated (so about age 21 to about age 23). I would hide the extent of my use from friends and family, but as far as being a ‘regular’? Sure, I’ll own that.
After a while, you start to realize that you’ve probably seen your local bartenders & liquor store clerks more often than you’ve seen most of your friends or even any of your family. Yeah…that’s a downer of a thought, right there. Addicts just don’t care. The depths of justification and the lengths of deceit…if we weren’t so utterly useless when we were high, we’d make for a helluva batch of politicians with those kind of skills.
Alcohol will run your life, if you let it. Give up your powerlessness to the larger in life, so you don’t have to live that way.
Grateful I’m finding my way back.