Disappointment / failure, I find, most commonly await me at the tail end of situations in which I have some expectation of reciprocity or reward.
Naturally, the voice at the other end of the line is silent in those scenarios. This can even be a leading cause of needless anger: I thought I was ‘in control,’ but the reality was that I was just the opposite — powerless to exercise my will over that which is not my own.
Truly, my failure came not all the way when I “realized” that my intended outcome was never to be fulfilled…but rather, in the exact instant that I stopped focusing and began projecting to what may or may not be, taking myself ‘out’ of the moment in the process.
Living with a subversive agenda is a grimy way to go about composing your life. I had alcohol champion that cause for me over the course of many years…really not interested in shifty behaviors dictating the kind of man that I am, this side of my recovery.
One day, one hour, one moment at a time. Just be. One life at a time. Just live it.