It’s a particularly bright Sunday afternoon in March, and I’ve spent it washing dishes, vacuuming the apartment, cleaning down my bathroom, brewing coffee, making phone calls, and otherwise organizing my life. I’m now sipping said coffee, jamming to filtered French touch mixtapes, and allowing some time to revamp my online dating presence (an unfortunate necessity, if you want to compete in the world of modern romance).
A year ago this time, it was hard to enjoy Sunday because I was too busy being anxious about the fact that I had no job to wake up for on Monday morning.
3 years ago this time, it was hard to enjoy Sunday because I spent it hungover in bed with the blinds drawn, alternating between watching reruns and fading in and out of naps. Possibly dragging myself out of bed to forage for a greasy meal somewhere; possibly to get to the liquor store before it closed at 5 or 6pm.
5 years ago this time, it was hard to enjoy Sunday because I was a broke college student grappling with the meaning of life & my experience at university. This usually meant continuing to drink, because why not? It’s not like I really cared about my courses, or the work I needed to submit for them.
Today, I care plenty. About my job and the work it requires. About the people who surround me and what they need/expect from me. About myself, my life, and what it all means.
I don’t think I deserve a medal for being a decent human being. But I certainly do think it’s important to acknowledge how much I have grown, how much I continue to grow, and how much hard work that process actually requires. It isn’t easy being A-#1, on-point, 110% every minute of every hour of every day. In fact, it isn’t possible.
What is possible is that we keep trying. I’m not perfect, and I never will be — but I get to keep trying, crafting, cultivating, learning, growing, creating, loving, sharing, living — and that’s a beautiful thing. Not lamenting lost opportunities, not regretting failed attempts, not harboring resentments…simply grateful that I have the ability to see beyond, and work towards a brighter horizon.