I can’t pin down the exact day without a lot of backscrolling through text messages, but this is the week, one year ago, that I packed my car full and rode off down the interstate from central New York to southwestern Connecticut. Helluva year, this has been! Can we be honest here and say it was probably my best (thus far)?
I stayed sober.
I continued to develop my recovery program in unique & fresh ways.
I tirelessly searched for a job.
I earned an income working hard as a temp.
I continued to nourish old friendships, and harbor new ones.
I grew as a person, as a friend, as a brother, as a son — as a contributing member of society.
I was offered an extension to a full-time position at my company; a reward, for my due diligence.
I began sharing daily my experience, strength, and hope — on this blog, and with others around & in my life.
I’m gonna do the broken record thing and reiterate that all the above has only been possible through the graciousness, hospitality, encouragement, reinforcement, advice, guidance, love, laughter, and otherwise support from my network of backers.
My friends and family have invested innumerable quantities of emotional capital in me throughout this time…and looking out at the world from this vantage point? Anything less than a life of rendering the same tokens of faith unto others in need would be to squander all the opportunities I have been given. I know there are still pieces of my puzzle that are missing, but I am feeling more and more as though they have all together been laid out on the table.
Now, it will just be a matter of sorting through them to find which ones fit where, and in successions with which others.
The idea with putting a life together is that you’ll never really be able to pick through all the parts — there simply are not enough time and resources for that.
We may be working with a borderless landscape here. The whole picture may never actually be complete, and life may end up being a series of pieces that nearly fit but not quite, or perhaps are arranged in cluster groups that do fit, but never materialize to the whole sum of the parts.
That sounds frustrating. You could give up. You could get angry, and overturn the whole table (I used to be really good at this). You could gaze longingly at your neighbor’s puzzle pieces and covet their board.
Or, you could assess your own work and be happy with what you have accomplished. Hold tight to what it is you have put together for yourself. Worry less about what your completed picture could, or should, or would look like. Be grateful you have the opportunity to keep looking for clues, for your next pieces, for any two that fit neatly next to one another — because not everyone is so fortunate to even get to have a look at the board.