Yesterday, Downtown Blues Tomorrow

“I’m gone and away for days and days / Too busy at the bar / To dwell on the past / Where love’s lost and last / Ripped up pictures on my lawn”
Old-school UM lyrics hit the ear just right.

Week One down in the new apartment!  I spent about 7 hours today running errands that I was too mentally incapacitated after business hours during the Monday-Friday Grind for.  #ResponsibleAdulthood, whaddup?  As with pretty much every day that I set out to accomplish too many tasks, I only got about 60% of what I wanted to done.  That’s A-Okay though; progress is progress, and it felt great to cross even a few minor goals right off the list.

While I was out driving around in the gloriously sunny but bitterly cold daylight, I felt a little ping of nostalgia for the winter struggles of coed life on that windswept campus in Western New York.  I had to chuckle at what really those memories were of: being just cripplingly hungover and trying to shift my zombified existence from withdrawals & dehydration over to caffeine oversaturation, as though enough coffee would somehow place me into some sort of transcendental auto-pilot and when I came back down to Earth, my numerous research-related papers would have been magically completed.  Never did happen.

The thought of those incessant overhangs makes me shudder.  It was like having your skin peeled back to reveal the muscles underneath that cover your body, and the slightest movement or new stimuli was the most excruciatingly painful poke to your very soul.  #Ouch.  I almost wish I could calculate for how long I felt that way when drinking…when was the last time I really even enjoyed using?  And then I almost wonder…did I ever?  It’s strange to be nostalgic for misery, but there it is.  Most of all, I miss being in such close proximity to so many of my good friends.  At the time it was true that many of them were “drinking buddies,” because my socialization almost exclusively consisting of chilling with beer or bottle in hand.  What I’m heartily grateful for today is that I was able to recognize & rectify my behaviors, and that they were genuine in their friendships to the point where my sobriety didn’t create a rift, but rather drew our bonds even closer.  And it’s inspirational as fuck to hear the various ways that each of them are consistently killing it in life.  #Blessed to be surrounded by such champions of success & determination.  Onward & upward, y’all.

———

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