Grateful Sunday (Tuesday) #45: Pushing On

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Life has a crazy shape to it; a shape that defies any kind of geometrical or mathematical logic.
Attempting to fit the sum total of your puzzle pieces neatly inside the lines is an exercise in futility.
There will be spillage; it will get messy.  It will be hot and cold and sticky and gritty — somehow all at once, simultaneously.
This might feel uncomfortable.  It will get weird.  Very weird, probably.

Let it.

Go with the flow.  Your headspace & your reality are often constructs of context.  Comparing yourself or your life to that of those around you is a good way to develop feelings of inadequacy or superiority — neither of which is a strong look.  No one person or even group of people is ever examining your life as closely as you might feel like they are — no such person exists who is without defect or doubt.  Most people are just trying to make sure that you can’t see theirs.
Focus instead your mental energy on becoming the best version of yourself you possibly can be.  Work hard, work daily, to best yourself.  Proactively pursuing peak form is a good way to inspire those around you to do the same — lead by example.

“‘Til the rivers run dry / I got to try, try, try” …summer 2014 DO WORK anthem right here.

Here I stand, in dogged pursuit of…what, precisely?  I know not yet.  Nonetheless I find myself ever in pursuit of some higher plane of existence.  Not because I sat in the dirt and the dust on the floor and felt sorry for myself, but because I stood up & hustled while I waited for my moment to emerge from the shadows and step out onto the next level of the platform.  However, I must say that I cannot in good faith take credit for the entirety of my current successes.  Some successes are born of luck while others were attained through certain innate privileges bestowed upon me in this life.  On both counts I consider myself blessed and do my best to acknowledge & not take for granted what is not really mine to claim as “earned.”  It’s a work in progress.

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Some quick updates from the past five weeks:

– almost acquired a personal-use 12′ sailboat via the CraigsList “FREE” ads;
– when that fell through, almost adopted two baby red-eared slider turtles as a consolation for myself, through similar methods;
– but after doing preliminary research decided against it — my apartment is sadly just not suitable for the long and majestic life of an adult turtle;
– clipped two+ minutes off my previous top 5k run time;
– celebrated 21 months dry;
– hopped in Emily’s car & roadtripped for a day (Labor Day, in fact) to comb the wares in the quaint shops / stroll the beachfronts of Newport, RI, further instigating a desire to own & operate a personal sail;
– checked in from a few cities over while my brother went to set up his dorm room & start his freshman year at Fordham University, making me seven years removed from my own;
– booked a plane ticket for a weekend in Denver to catch up with a few different peer groups but primarily to attend a concert at the historic Red Rocks performance venue (bucket list item: CHECK.);
– hit my annual music festival gathering of the collegiate collective, where the music was good but the reminiscing was great and the laughter infectious (among which I got SEVERAL comments on my healthy physique & beaming pride at my continued sobriety);
– spent an absolutely prime evening in Brooklyn consisting of high-rise rooftop disco lounge DJs, blistering N’Awlins funk played loud & live in the back half of a bowling alley, and a thumping after-hours underground house club — all in the company of some of my oldest and closest friends;
– generally kicked back to relax & soak up as much of the summer sun as possible, anticipating the brisk autumn & harsh winter up ahead.

Peach Festival Crew, 2k14. Camaraderie & kinship to the core.
Peach Festival Crew, 2k14. Camaraderie & kinship to the core.

I’ve never felt sharper, never more in the moment.  Years ago, despite the philosophical resonance frequencies from my appreciation for the Eastern way of life, I never really had “moments.”  It was a lot of merely maintaining with a drink in my hand, peppered with stretches of time where I couldn’t or didn’t drink, most all of which was spent mentally projecting to the place where I would have my next drink, and next drink, and the one after that, too.  Most people can control those thoughts, and/or are not entirely consumed by them.

An allergy + an obsession.  I can’t, so I don’t.  Not any more.  And for that, today, I am grateful.

———

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