Grateful Sunday #15: What I Got

This whole lifestyle change has made me really appreciate the simplicity of what I already have in life.  It seems like we always want more, more, MORE – I’m definitely guilty of this, and sometimes I feel guilty about that, too.  Despite all that I don’t have, I’m blessed to have more…stability.  Stability is the word I’m looking for.  I have more stability than the majority of people who walk this earth, financially, emotionally, characteristically, or otherwise.

Sadly VEVO seems to have taken over ownership of a lot of official music videos, and proceeded to ruin their integrity by censoring curse words.  Fucking pricks.  It really does alter the meaning of the song, when you mess with the delivery.

I’m also learning a lot about the very real distinction in want vs. need, especially in emotional capacities.  Muddled in a haze of vodka fumes, it was easy for my brain to confuse mere “wants” for hard “needs.”  Consequently, I did not even possess the level of maturity necessary for the acquisition, and then cultivation, of those “wants.”  This stemmed largely from my inability to understand the concept that loving myself truly & wholly was the key to receiving reciprocal love from the world around me.  Then, I would continue to drink, exasperated & disillusioned by my misfortunes and unhappiness…which were of course products of my own doing.  And thus the cycle would repeat itself.

tumblr_ma5yoor8f01qzcj1mo1_500

Breaking free of that cycle has allowed me to face life on life’s terms, rather than retreating or escaping into manufactured numbness.  “It is what it is” – a mantra that I find a use for almost daily.  I have historically never stood for interpersonal drama or petty quarrels, and now I find myself even further removed from such situations (or people).  I’m only interested in interacting with other individuals who have something to offer this world; enlightened beings with passion, drive, a desire to learn more than will ever be possible.

If nothing else, I’m grateful for my passion for life.  I still possess all the ignorant arrogance of a 23-year-old, but I do more than simply exist: I live.  It may be a fight to the finish, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend my life as a slave to systems, concepts, beliefs that I do not agree with.  I believe it is said that people who burn internally with this drive, who grapple with their own intellect, are more prone to substance abuse and self-destructive behaviors.  Indeed, when you cannot alter the world, what else can you do but attack yourself?

FREEDOM

But those are selfish actions.  More than just my own well-being is at stake here.  To not acknowledge all the advantages I have, all that I have been given, all that has been sacrificed at the expense of others for my sake…it would be unfair of me.  It takes a great deal of courage to stand up and own yourself.  For a long time, I was afraid of this.  I therefore acted out of cowardice, and pursued the easier path.

This is no longer my life.  Meaning and purpose have returned.  Exactly what those words mean will take further investigation into the depths of my psyche; this work can only be conducted over the course of time.  Time – as good a note as any to end on; 3:49 AM needs to cease to be my standard of “goodnight.”  One could say I’m…up all night to get lucky.

If by “get lucky” I mean “aimlessly browse the Internet and contemplate life,” then yes.  Mostly I just wanted to make this reference. Album drops in 2 weeks!

Advertisements

Drop a Line

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

roamwildandfree

Work Less // Play More // Be Free

prayer & practice

Just another WordPress.com site

A Holistic Journey

Finding my way back out of motherhood -- while mothering

Critical Dispatches

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @RichyDispatch

Oscar Relentos

Welcome to my catharsis

Omnipleasant

Make more time for what matters most

Seeing Clear Lee

musings on becoming alcohol-free

Sailing on Dreams

Playing mind games with Soul

Rasmus Keger

Through the eyes of Rasmus Keger

Globe Dreaming

To travel is to live.

Quartz

Quartz is a digitally native news outlet for the new global economy.

My OBT

My daily quest for One Beautiful Thing (OBT)

Microgalactic

Food, Travel and Photography Blog

Unconfirmed Bachelorette

Proudly living alone with cats

THE RIVER WALK

Daily Thoughts and Meditations as we journey together with our Lord.

Zen and the Art of Moto Taxi Survival

Lessons learned while flirting with disaster in Paris traffic

kelzbelzphotography

My journey - The good, bad and the ugly

will hike for food

Just Get Outside.

800 Recovery Hub Blog

Written by people in recovery for people in recovery

%d bloggers like this: