Fantasies. Daydreams. Imaginationland. Whatever you choose to call them, everyone indulges in the escapism of their deepest pseudorealities from time to time. It’s a natural and often fun process. Imagination allows for creativity. But sometimes that creativity can lead us to places far outside the reach of the morals and convictions we have, that are grounded in reality. These questionable imaginings can lead to feelings of sheepish guilt. Which may at times even feel unfair, as though your subconscious tricked your mind into going there without your permission or knowledge.
It’s almost as if…terrorists are running away with our imaginations.
The recovering alcoholic is haunted by intrusive thoughts of the bottle; the ghost of drinks past lingers. “It is the golden dream of every alcoholic to be able to drink socially again” – I’m paraphrasing, but the Big Book acknowledges it so. It’s a sentiment that is maddening twice over – it will never be reality, and only those afflicted are constantly preoccupied with such an obsession. The regular drinker does not have fantasies of quietly enjoying a glass of scotch with a sirloin dinner, because they have never had issue in doing so. What kind of sickness is this, that my daily fantasies and wildest imaginings, which could range anywhere within the spectrum of human thought, are focused on controlling the usage of a substance (albeit a powerful and baffling one)?
When I have drunk dreams while sleeping, I wake up in a state of unease and wariness. I am not comfortable with the fact that my mind is sneaking around in the night, trying to undo the hard work I have done to reach the level of awareness & acceptance I am currently at. Some will say that drunk dreams are like a “freebie,” but I just don’t need it. I am, however, confident that as I continue to practice acceptance & abstinence, my psyche will grow to dismiss any & all notions that taking a drink is fair game in thought.
It’s not that I’m all-day every-day fantasizing about being able to go out for one more round of cocktails at the bar. It’s just the fact that it is there. Meditating on the subject would be beneficial. Understanding why the fantasy & desire exist, and how to safely overcome.
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“Give me / What you know I need.” On a huge Pretty Lights kick of late.