Today, I am simply grateful to be sober. Gratitude need not always be wrought out of grandeur; sometimes, all one needs is an appreciation for the present state of being. As of today, I have 71 days sober.
With each passing 24 hours, the period of cumulative abstinence grows to be the largest length of time I have been sober, in the past 6 to 7 years or so. This is a huge accomplishment, seeing as how I’ve spent roughly a quarter of my life up to this point heavily abusing alcohol.
Over the past few days, I’ve found myself repeating the phrase “My worst day sober is still better than my best day drunk,” while at meetings. There is no need to deny that I have had plenty of truly great experiences with social alcohol consumption, mostly in the form of bonding and sharing with close friends and new acquaintances alike.
“And if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up /
and I still don’t wanna stagger home /
Then it’s the memory of our betters /
that are keeping us on our feet”
But more often than not, especially as time progressed, the experience was pleasurable neither for myself nor those around me. Nobody wants to be in the company of a depressive asshole, including he himself.
Spending good time as a sober individual has also (in a healthy way) forced me to take a look at my buried emotions and their root causes. To finally begin addressing my internal issues is a very important part of my recovery; I’ll now be able to properly cope and handle, as opposed to turning to the bottle in times of distress. Well, it’ll be a learning process – time takes time, after all.
Given that the odds are stacked so highly against those in recovery from substance abuse, it is nothing short of a small miracle that I am in the place where I am right now, healthy happy & sober. Acknowledging this truth enables me to live peacefully, existing in the moment and appreciating each for what it is. Here’s to another 24 hours clean.
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[Ed. note: I realize I am pretty behind on posts, but I came up with a good handful of topics to write on this morning, so I’ll do my best to get them up in a timely manner.]