Great Expectations

Sadly, I have not read Dickens’ penultimate career accomplishment in novel writing, so I can’t make any witty references to it here.

However, I did want to take a moment to acknowledge my lack of activity the past few days.  I’m trying very hard to ensure that writing this blog never feels like “work” to me, because once the perceived costs outweigh the perceived benefits, there exists a possibility of abandonment.  And I don’t want that.

“No folklores or myths in my penmanship”

I believe the first week or two of my writing came so readily to me, because all those topics were still fresh in my mind right out of rehab.  Now that I’ve had a good month to readjust to the world, I’m finding my mind preoccupied less with writing topics and more with the other necessities of daily living.  I still am able to relate much of these thoughts to rehab; it’s just that they no longer come to me in a stream of consciousness.

I took a moment yesterday to calculate my daily time commitments during the week: 3 hours of outpatient counseling in the morning; 1 hour for an A.A. meeting in the evening; and 1+ hours of writing and editing a blog post at night.  So that puts my weekly time investment into thoughts and activities concerning my recovery at between 25 and 27 hours – equivalent to a part-time job.

Speaking of, to add to those hours of commitment, I was hired on for an actual part-time position as a social media & marketing consultant for a project launch at a local surveillance company.  We’re working regionally right now, but the program has potential (and intentions) to go national – pretty exciting stuff.  I rarely describe myself as feeling “ecstatic,” but that’s probably the best term to use regarding my attitude towards the work I’m engaging in.  To be applying my communication degree and marketing knowledge to a tangible product with a substantially projected revenue stream fills me with a rewarding sense of great pride.

In light of this, I’ve reconsidered my stance on accepting my outpatient schedule for what it is.  I can already see it interfering with aspects of my work.  Launching a marketing/advertising campaign requires real-time analysis and response, and being away from my computer for 3 hours each morning is not conducive to that.  I played out both sides of the argument – am I just finding reasons to “talk my way out of” my responsibility to the outpatient program, because I don’t feel the full time is necessary?

The answer is no, I am not.  I told my counselor I would be receptive to their recommendation that I be enrolled in the intensive outpatient program, and she in turn said they would be receptive to altering my schedule if an employment opportunity arose.  I believe she recognizes how seriously I take my recovery, and that I am intelligent enough to not underestimate my disease.  I feel I have been 100% agreeable with all aspects of my treatment thus far, so I think it only fair that I would be able to have the freedom to pursue a meaningful livelihood outside of it.

Reviewing this post I see that it has become wordier than I originally intended.  In summation, I do not want a push for quantity to in any way effect the quality of content on eloquentzen.  If there happens to be a window of a few days time that goes by without a posting, I will make it worth my readers’ while, similarly as I have done tonight, with 3 strong entries published simultaneously.

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