I knew there was something I forgot last weekend (thanks Em for bringing this to my attention). So, today’s post will make up for what should have been published on Sunday. Two weeks in and I’ve already missed a day, and forgotten to keep schedule on my weekly topic. The book of Alcoholics Anonymous notes that “we claim spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection.” Applying that axiom to my work here, I claim literary progress, not literary perfection.
Today, I express gratitude for a personality trait that I feel has remained intact, throughout all the trials & tribulations I’ve faced: my youthful approach to life & living. Even in the darkest depths of depression and malaise, there remained a tiny flicker of youthful hope & energy that would refuse to die out, in spite of myself. Sometimes this glimmer of hope would be the sole reason I could get out of bed in the morning and face the day.
Obviously, in the adult world of responsibilities and survival needs, there is only so much room to express yourself “youthfully” (re: immaturely). Yet we cannot underestimate the importance of keeping at least a modicum of our once-carefree selves in our core. To let that go is to let the crushing weight of all things bummer in life win. Are toddlers and children not having simply the best, most enjoyable time exploring & experiencing the world? I think that’s part of why I enjoy working with kids so much, because by proxy of their own imaginations, they bring out that genuine curiosity & innocent playfulness in me, as well.
The cool thing about utilizing a youthful perspective from an adult age is how much more you can do with it, being an independent and autonomous human being. It’s one of the personality traits that I will rely on to keep me entertained and amused throughout my life of sobriety. My love of live music is an especially relevant example of how I employ this tactic: upon entering the camp grounds for a weekend-long music festival, my demeanor becomes akin to that of an excitable puppy being let off the leash in an unexplored park. I am in my element, amongst so many new, like-minded people; it’s like returning to a second home, each time I arrive to an annual music festival.
“When I grow up, I will be a bigger kid /
looking back, I’ll be proud of all that I did”
Live from Utica!
I am grateful not only for my youthful attitude, but my relative youth within the spectrum of young manhood, as well. The past few years have been a painful struggle; there is no denying that. But I can’t help acknowledge my sense of relief, that I’ve begun the road to recovery – at age 23. I can only imagine how difficult this process would be for someone twice my age, who has been drinking twice as long. I have the majority of my 20’s ahead of me, to fully experience life, without booze taking the reigns and leading me on a wild ride to the brink of sanity. And beyond that, a rewarding lifetime of sobriety and happiness. But no matter what my age, something I will always abide by: